Ouch that hurt

  “Life has knocked me down a Few times. It has shown me things I never wanted to see I have experienced sadness and failures. But one thing is for sure I always get back up!”(Unknown) There have been some funny times during my whole brain explosion thing wel,l seance they are in in the past I can say they are funny. But at the time some where painful, annoying, slightly humiliating, and OK funny. OK lets start with this My right arm AKA my strok ey arm AKA my Nemo arm likes to hold on for dear life and never lets go So picture this I'm walking in a crowd of people and I bump into someone or maybe are hands just accidentally brush. Now that's not odd or unheard of but what is odd is that my hand will grab on. Know we can have that slightly embarrassing moment I was talking about up there. Luckily it usually happens with family. And no I have not found a long term or lasting relationship this way, fingers crossed. .But there was this time that my hand did not let go of the roll of toilet paper when I left the bathroom I did not notice. Tell my little sister Sierra asked me Um mm Shawna what are you doing I have no idea. I just take the paper back and drop it like its hot. My arm can also do some pretty weird and unusual hugs and sometimes painful for the other person. Its true Sierra always cringes and fears my hugs, OK maybe only half the time. Hey my arm causes me pain as Well. Have any of you ever stubbed your finger ouch right?! Well I happen to stub my whole arm Its not a fun experience its highly unpleasant. Now let me talk about running into things it happens. All the time I lost my peripheral vision on my left side so now I have little bruises every where door ways are the bane of my existences I don't like chairs, shoes on the floor, cupboards, counter tops I had a bad experience bending over an d not noticing one and now there is a bruise on my cheek. . Like I said some of these are funny and some not so much. I I'm still working on all this a little by little there are slight improvements.

 This was my life for long while always wearing a helmet

Independence

I want to tell y'all about a great fantastic day I had recently I had a hair appointment at the local beauty school, well to get beautified. But there was no car not that I dive anyway and no one was home to take me. So I set my alarm the night before to wake up with plenty of time to get ready and walk myself to the salon, bonus for me for leaving on time. Seeing that I live in a small town nothing is really that far and your bound to run into some you know, which I did about half way there She pulled over and asked if I wanted a ride and I said sure. Will call it a small town taxi service and end up at the salon super early better to be early the late, Right? After I decided I might as well so to the grocery store to pick up a few things sense I was out already I always carry my trusty reusable bag in my purse So i'm set. Let me tell you something If you want to save money at the grocery store walk there because you know you are going to half to Flintstone everything back with you after the store I stpped by local gym to check out the prices. Then I was on my way home. I should tell you that I tend to walk a little on the slow side I just watch every step I take. So to keep going the same speed I walked to the beat of sugar pie honey bun in my head of coarse which is not that weird If you know me at all in my brain there is an endless play list playing all the time Its fun and amusing at times. For the longest time after my surgery's I had One of two songs in my head. You could tell by the way I was bopping my head which one it was, Ocean front property in Arizona and you ain't nothing but a hoochie mama. Now I have no idea why my brain chose to keep these two songs in the forefront of my head but it did so I just roll with it. I felt such a seance of independence this day that I have not felt sense my head exploded. I got up on my own and on time walked where I needed to be it was only about 2 miles but worth of walking but it was through multiple intersections and I never go lost confused of hurt for that matter. Now this may seem like small fry's to most people and it would be but for me who has been in therapy for the last 2 years to help so I could do exactly what I just did is Huge deal. And I' m not in therapy any more so Woohoo the last  2yars have worked and stuck with me. 

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This is how I roll  when i'm on my own

No more therapy now what

Man so its over. It feels a little odd to be done with therapy. Therapy has been my new normal sense my head explosion. At first I was some what frightened to not be able to rely on them any more. But I quickly learned that was not the case I feel confident that I can apply what I learned the past 2 years and do great. It helped that my therapists said that If I ever felt like I needed additional help or or what I have learned is not running as smoothly S it should I could always come see them. So basically I have this whole other support system besides my friends and family, Rock on. Now I am trying to find my new normal and that can sure make me a bit anxious. I know 100% that I want to focus on my physical health Its been my mental health for 2 years now. Yes this was my outfit  for my last  day of therapy  You could say that I wanted to go out  with with a bang or we can go with I had a farewell party  with a travel theme, both works for me.

Kate my therapist

Julie  my all seeing eye therapist she vied all  therapeutic homies sessions

Recovering

 Today I want to start talking a little about my recovery process now that you know the base of my story my experience with it. So I have been in therapy for the past 2 years this one of the reasons I started this blog was for therapy the other is I really want to try and help any one who may be in my or a similar situation. One of the hardest things for me during this whole posses is not knowing what the ending may look like Doctors, family, friends, kept telling me that as soon as the swelling in my brain would go down things would be better but that's a hard thing to fallow when I don't know what better is going to be If I work hard enough the end will be I will be able to function the way I did before my head decided to start bleeding for no darn good reason. I really should be pissed at it for treating me this way I've done nothing but learn, read some excellent romance book, watch some great musicals, and syfy . So really my brain is very diversified My brain and I have had loads of safe fun in my life so far. OK so maybe I should not have gone cliff jumping(I'm just glad I never made it to swimming with the sharks3 crazy things could have tipped the scales to far) in Hawaii or bungee jumping in Royal Gorge Colorado But everyone is allowed to do 1 or2 crazy things in there life right and they weren't far out there crazy. But alas I am not mad at my brain mainly because being angry will get me no ware Now I'm not saying that my glass is always half full instead of half empty But I can tell you when its half full i'm going to darn well fill the rest of it up with something positive because well its a lot funner then negative I would rather be laughing then crying any day of the week. I have to say that through this whole recovery process I have turned a lot to my my church my faith no matter how little I have done for it r actually gone to Its always there for me a security blanket of a sort. What ha been going though my head this whole time was something IJ was taught as a child and that is “ God never gives us any challenge that we can't handle” So basically In my mind if I have the big man upstairs backing me up why not do the best I can do everyday He says I can do it so I can why doubt something positive. So my actual physical therapy part of it started basically when I was aware enough The first thing I remember is this women came in to see if I could eat solid food without chocking. So she brought a little short bread cookie to me and I would take a little nibble then wait a min or two, and she was just watching me this was the process until the cookie was gone. I guess I did good, no choking or unnecessary gagging . The next texture of food she gave me was apple sauce and the same processes fallowed. Now I now they fed me the whole time but who wants to survive on liquid food unless it a fabulous fruit smoothie. anyways I'm doing really well with all the food and she deems me good to go but not to eat something to tough or scratchy so no hard crackers or crusty bread sandwiches, she does leave me with another cookie I am feeling quit revenous darn those liquid diets. When I was still lying in bed another therapist would come and tell me these story's that made no since because they were filled with random words then I wold have to remember and repeat. Some one else gave me a stress ball that I would have to squeeze all the time with my stroke y left had. Other wise known as my Nemo arm aka my gimpy fin . Then she would have me throw it into a empty trash can and some sort game of catch started. Then I started throwing the ball at unknowing victims, nurses family members my bosses, no one was excluded. One time my doctor , the surgeon that saved my life walked in. but he had magic hands and quick reflexes and caught the ball before it could hit him, hes the man. I don't recall any one else being so quick with my unknowing fire balls of doom I think I nailed my brother Jason in the head a couple of times and my poor mother. All these kind souls trying to help me and im letting them have it all in the name o therapy of c course. Y'all can't tell me you would not do the same thing given the opportunity and being stuck in the bed for so long. I was to frightenedto use the TV I was worried that the screen and would would hurt my head. I mean come on I had just had my skull sawed open and the only pain medicine they gave me was extra strength Tylenol. So If I thought the TV would make my head hurt Im glad my family went with it. I mean, come on that's not a lot of drugs to be on for what I just went through there was either a single or double douse depending on my pain level. The nurses tried using the 1-10 level of pain but I did not understand numbers, So they moved on to the happy and sad faces. They also gave me a blood thinner shot in my gut every evening. Because I was in bed for so long. The nurses carried them in there pockets so I made them empty there pockets before they came in. really despise needles . So they started caring them on the computers there always rolling around. So they got around the empty pocket thing. Then One day a nurse came in and said they were going to let me try and walk. So they put on my shoes and asked if I could tie them. I said sure! Thinking to my self im pretty sure I learned that at the age of 3. As it turns out that's one of the things my brain took away from me but did no let me know tell I tried. So I ended up tying an unlimited amount of times . My shoes were never coming off in this life time. Everyone had a quick little snicker. And im like, what there on aren't they . They put this bi Santa belt around me in case I would fall. They helped to my feet then over to a walker. And started walking down the halls. It was amazing to be out of bed. Then they pulled me back because I was walking to fast. After I Passed the walking with flying colors. Some one got me every day to walk around. They taught me hoe to do stairs safely , How to pick something up off the floor In and out of a car. I even played dodge ball with a foam ball with some nurses Did I mention that when ever im out of the bed I have to be in a helmet. Being as a piece of my skull is missing So my head is kind of exposed and vulnerable.

Jamie's point of view

As Shawna Sean and I got to the emergency room It was very crowded as at this point its about Its about 9:00 pm, and Holly Cross is a very busy city hospital. I first check us in at the front desk and they take Shawna's stats, like name weight and as she steps on the scale and they tell her it says 190lbs, she did not believe them and she thinks she weighs 290lbs. Sh was getting very mad when they would not listen to her. They proceed to ask more questions to which 9 out of 10 she gets wrong. They quickly realize its her brain having issues and rush her back for a cat scan. So Sean and I wait about an hour And when the doctor comes out they tell us that they are admitting her. And that she now needs a MRI but that she won't let anyone help her into a hospital gown except me,Ha ha my modest sister. So after I help her into her gown she has gotten he MRI The doctor comes in and tells me and Sean That Shawna has bleeding on the brain AKA Brain aneurysm I hear this, I know I does not sound good but I have no idea what this means But then I look over to Sean who is a doctor and his face says it all I know this is very bad. As the doctor leaves the room Sean tells me I should call my mom in Utah And have her fly to Maryland ASAP. ! So now my mom is on her way. Shawna is checked into her ICU room, Its about 1am . And the doctor comes in and tells me she has to go back to immediate emergency surgery to remove part of her skull cap as her brain was expanding and swelling from the bleeding her brain needed room to grow, before it hit her skull which would kill her If this was not scary enough. The nurse said I had to sign a paper called a DNR, meaning I had to make a call on Shawna's fate If something went wrong during her brain surgery. Talk about a decision no sister should make. The only upside if there was one, was that Shawna was ob;oblivious To the serious danger she was in because the part of the brain the the bleed was on was causing her to have no fear or a sense of what was going on. So she was happy being her silly self. So 2 hours later she is rolled into her ICU room and half of her head is shaved and has a million staples closing the wound down the right side of her head. The doctor was able to stop the bleeding and he had stored skull flap portion of her head that was removed during surgery in her abdomen crazy ness.! So she is stable by now but by no means out of trouble, So I stay with her in the hospital over night Thankfully The next morning our mom was here! We both son needed her there!Written by My sisters point of view

Pioneer women

Well lets talk about this lovely picture, I feel like my life has been divided up  into events and moments let  me tell you about this photo  I feel like ever since my “d” day , my explosion, my bloody bleeding brain. My life has very much been divided up into events and moments. The actual brain pain moment was a pretty big event. Then well I survived, that was another big event. I was cleared to fly back home to utah, another big event. Then I was finally ready and able to start therapy which has been chalk full of events and moments. A great moment was learning how to tie my shoe again. That only took two years! Baking on my own was a huge moment for me. It might sound cheesy or odd but a really big moment for me was meeting the pioneer woman, she has been a fun emotional part of my healing process. For reasons I cannot really explain my brain just really attached on this wonderful red headed sassy classy woman. So when I was able to meet her in salt lake city it was an amazing emotional moment. I was waiting in a tiny crowed bookstore. Before I could even see her I could hear her and had to fight back the tears. It was a quick meet and greet where she signed her cookbook for me and wrote be well in it. I strive to be well every day. I’ve met the one person I’ve always wanted to meet! Who’s your person?

New Firsts

My next few blog posts are about well everything I’m re –learning I feel that I have had 2 starts  or beginnings in my life  my birth thank heavens I don’t remember that experience and after my head explosion ( brain aneurism ) So I’m just sharing some of my  new first no matter how small they may seem they are all big and exciting to me.